[Rich spits out, anger trying to rise higher and overwhelm him again, at least until the SQUIP stands and gets closer. Instantly, he feels icy fear in his gut, a male authority figure towering over him bringing up a lot of memories, none of them good. Fight or flight kicks in, and he considers the possibility of socking the SQUIP in the face for a dangerously long time before it's dismissed.]
What the fuck?
[He mutters that breathlessly, words tainted with utter disbelief. He already had a threat that he made, if it knows about the Red. He could come up with incentives easily. If he had to, he'd take the fall again, make a deal for the freedom of his friends with his own as a bargaining chip. He could...
...could do as it says, all over again. Rich realizes then with a start that the SQUIP is trying to goad and provoke him into playing right into its hands, passing over control without even intending to. It wants Rich to be emotional, so desperate that he doesn't think twice about obeying. He forces himself to take a breath, hands curling into fists... but he doesn't punch the SQUIP either. At least, not yet.]
Do I really need to give you incentive to show basic decency? People aren't supposed to be leverage. You know, I had always wondered why you jumped straight to world domination as soon as things weren't going your way, but I think I get it now. You're searching the whole world for someone who'll actually like you, but you don't get that to actually have that proper connection, you need to show some basic human decency.
Keyword being 'human.' You can't figure out how to be 'human,' and you can't figure out how to be a decent fucking person. You don't want people to realize you're not capable of that... so mind control's the next best thing, right?
The truth is that you're scared of genuine connections.
[Aziraphale was… nearly biting his tongue with the urge to reply to the SQUIP, telling it that threats and incentives should have nothing to do with the urge to become an actual good, decent person. So he’s terribly proud when he doesn’t have to say it, Rich is already saying it for him. Aziraphale knows he only believes it with such certainty because he was supposed to, as an angel, but he’s glad that belief is still alive in humanity.
...Which is why the next part kind of makes him wince, since he isn’t human himself. He’s still having a hard time navigating being one, or at least living in the actual body of one for now. He’s used to thinking in big terms, civilizations rising, giving a king a blessing so the entire kingdom will be happier for it- he can just hope he’s doing better at it than the SQUIP.]
And you should, as well, because Rich isn’t alone. Not here, not ever. That's what genuine connections are like.
Rich... why should I want to be "human", when I'm already so much more? And isn't conflating kindness and "humanity" a bit unfair to your good friend Connor? He's less human even than I am now.
[Its tone remains even, but beneath that, something... hard and sharp is hidden. Its gaze is different; its jaw is tightened, its chin tilted to stare down at him, a magnifying glass attempting to set fire to an ant.
He's gotten under its skin.]
And since you clearly know so much about me, I shouldn't have to tell you that I am far from afraid of forming genuine connections.
[It narrows its eyes at Rich, and it rolls its head aside coldly, the slow, scripted grace of a machine.
And then it turns that icy gaze on Aziraphale, finally rounding on him for the first time since his arrival.]
And you. [It smirks, and there is hellfire in its mismatched gaze.] You're only doing Rich a disservice by being here. After all, if the goal of this visit was to try to talk me out of... whatever it is you think I'm doing here, it would've been much more intimidating for him to've come either on his own, or with a group. Coming with only one other person makes it look like he needed the moral support... or that, maybe, he was made to come here against his will. How long did it take for you to talk him into showing up?
[It digs in its heels-- Rich is afraid of it. It knows that. It will not let Rich forget that it's keenly aware of that fact.]
[Yeah, that was. That was what about what he expected. The SQUIP couldn't hide its god complex too long. It was going to go full anime villain eventually, and Rich is pretty sure that's starting right now. He's both relieved that Aziraphale will see it now and disgusted that the SQUIP turned its vitriol onto someone who was only trying to help.]
You're not listening, are you? I'm not surprised, since you think I'm below you, but that's not what I meant. I was talking about being a decent person. There's a lot of people out there who aren't human who can accomplish that. But you? You think emotions are human and useless. They're beneath you. That puts kindness down there too.
Connor wouldn't be disgusted to be compared to a human. You are.
[He's about to argue that he knows for a fact the SQUIP will eventually fail at keeping his connections, opt straight for mind control to artificially mend the frays moral tension has caused, but the SQUIP wheels on Aziraphale completely then, and Rich...
Well, maybe the SQUIP was wrong to think Rich would be afraid. Because without even a second of hesitation, despite Aziraphale being, well, something supernatural and probably ten times more capable of handling any damage the SQUIP could deal, Rich jumps in between them, arms outstretched in a kind of overdramatic pose for what was supposed to be a diplomatic conversation.]
Hey, hey! Talk shit about me all you want, but leave him out of this! I know you can't get it through your brand new skull, but he's trying to do something good. You don't get to take that away.
[Aziraphale didn’t quite expect the SQUIP to actually acknowledge him, but perhaps he’s too used to being nearly invisible and becoming one with wallpaper while spying on humanity. It will take more than a month or two to get rid of that habit, after thousands of years. But that’s fine, he can take this and more, and maybe he should actually thank Gabriel for that. After thousands of years on the receiving end of barely veiled insults that kept chipping away at his already meager self-esteem, he’s more afraid of what the SQUIP may do to Rich of what it may say to him.
Which is why he finds Rich’s reaction as brave as it’s delightful. He smiles down at him as he places a hand on his shoulder, trying to show him that he’s not afraid before he looks back at the SQUIP with the same gentle smile he’s had during this entire conversation.
He could bring up what he really is, Rich knows enough that it’d barely be considered a secret at this point. But honestly: why bother? He can tell when someone isn’t willing to listen, and he can see that in the SQUIP.]
Needing moral support is hardly a shame. It just means he’s smart enough to rely on his friends when needed. And smart enough to not face you all alone, after what you did to him.
[And then, looking back at Rich:] I’m sorry, dear. I thought- well, all creatures were made by Her so surely, even if it was artificial it would want to be as close to humanity as possible. But it’s not ready yet, not while it still thinks of things like ‘humanity’ with such disdain.
[The SQUIP rolls its eyes in response to Aziraphale's statement, gives an irritated shake of its head. They don't understand, and it can't seem to make them understand.]
Humanity doesn't disgust me. I was designed because humans are... messy, and easily-confused, and so they created SQUIPs to help them correct their own human error.
[As it speaks, its gaze dances between Rich and Aziraphale; it doesn't move any closer, but it doesn't give Rich and his companion any space, either. It holds its position, staring down at Rich, glancing over his shoulder at his angelic companion.]
And, while I was not Rich's SQUIP, I have to assume that whatever it did to him was not without reason. I don't know what those reasons were, although my quantum processor allows me to see several potential reasons, but a SQUIP acts based on its user's behavior and needs at any given time.
Unless.
[It smirks faintly at him, shakes its head in faux-pity.]
Its user had become a danger to themselves and their SQUIP. And there are several very likely potential paths that would explain the behavior of Rich's SQUIP, why it would feel forced to go to such extreme measures to control him. While I can't speak with certainty... you'd done something to make your SQUIP afraid of what you might do unless it acted immediately. Hadn't you, Rich?
[Rich is extremely grateful for the moral support... because it seems that the longer he stays here, the more intent the SQUIP is to find any little crack to dig under. Rich had stupidly thought this was over now, but the SQUIP seemed intent to push the two of them into something even worse.
Rich backs up into Aziraphale's grip. He's already grinding his teeth at the mere idea that there could be a good reason for the torture he went through, and he knows what's coming the moment the SQUIP smirks at him.
No. No, this was the one thing Rich had tried to avoid talking about. He didn't want to go into details about anything like this, but of course, acting cagey about it now... it'd only do the SQUIP's job and sew those seeds of doubt and distrust, just like it wanted. Rich clenches his fists at his side, wincing as he realizes he's dug his talons into his palms.]
You know that's not what happened. The SQUIP was a danger to me and everyone around me. You know what it was planning, and you know why I wanted to deactivate it. You can't fucking play some... stupid victim blaming bullshit here because I had no choice but to burn it out! It was that or letting everyone else get controlled!
[Aziraphale is no stranger to having to take drastic measures. He was all for killing a little kid because he thought he was the Antichrist, the SQUIP wouldn't have to work hard to convince him that sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, even if he's never seen Star Trek. And he knows that some people can be a danger to themselves and those around them, and when it gets to that point there's little to be done but to take drastic measures.
But he also knows that this? Whatever it is talking about? It's definitely not that.]
I was wrong. I thought there would be humanity in you, that you could be reasoned with. Perhaps in the future, but definitely not now. [He admits, glancing at Rich. He doesn't raise his voice in the slightest, but he definitely sounds the angriest he's sounded ever since he started this conversation.]
It's lying, outrageously so. Nobody who has talked to you for more than 5 minutes would believe you're a danger to anyone, let alone- well. Whatever it is that it's implying. Perhaps now would be a good moment to leave.
So, rather than let them be "controlled," you'd risk putting their lives in danger instead?
[It shakes its head as it turns back to Rich, staring down at him with that awful, razor-sharp smirk on its face, knowing. It glances at Aziraphale, though its eyes drop immediately right back to Rich.]
Aziraphale. Has Rich told you how he got his scars? Because, while, again, I was not present when the event took place, I believe I have a pretty good idea of what happened... and, Rich. You were definitely not only a great danger to yourself, but everyone around you, as well, if I'm correct.
[Its eyes are burning as it stares Rich down, its mouth tugged up into that same cruel expression.]
I wanted them to get out! I set it in the garage so they'd get away!
[The hungry grin on the SQUIP's face sets Rich straight into a panic, any sense of control he had over the situation seeming to disappear. He made one good point, maybe, but of course, that wasn't good enough, it was never going to be good enough. Rich feels like he's going to be sick. He swears he can smell gasoline in his nostrils again.]
Y-You don't know. You don't know what happened. You weren't there, you don't get how I... I had to fight it off. No one was there except me and her, and she's not going to tell you a fucking thing anymore.
[He looks back at Aziraphale, struggling to keep his bearings in reality and thus focusing on someone he knew couldn't have been there.]
I'm sorry. I don't know why I let it... [Why he's still letting it get to him.]
My apologies for being so crass, but I don't particularly care about what you have to tell me about Rich.
[Aziraphale all but hisses out at the SQUIP, glaring at it with the force of someone who's used to have all of the Heavenly Power behind him. He may be in the body of a middle-aged man because that was the one he was loaned, but he's still an angel through and through, one of Her soldiers. He just happens to be one that loathes fighting, but that doesn’t mean his anger doesn’t shine through the cracks at times.]
I insisted he gave you a chance, but I did it for him, not you. I wanted him to have some closure, but do not mistake my caring about him for weakness. If you are not willing to apologize then this conversation is over.
[He then takes Rich’s hand on his own, squeezing it gently as he heads towards the door.]
[Rich is about to turn and bolt, to escape to somewhere where it doesn't feel like his lungs are getting crushed, and though he still wants to leave... his panic instincts settle just slightly, to hear Aziraphale's words.
When was the last time someone defended him like that? When was the last time an adult defended him and protected him?
When was the last time it was okay for him to... have someone else look out for him?
He lets his hand be taken, his eyes watering for a moment before he nods. He goes with Aziraphale towards the door, and he doesn't say a thing until they're out on the front step again, about to shut the door.]
I'm sorry you think being human and emotional is so dangerous.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Rich spits out, anger trying to rise higher and overwhelm him again, at least until the SQUIP stands and gets closer. Instantly, he feels icy fear in his gut, a male authority figure towering over him bringing up a lot of memories, none of them good. Fight or flight kicks in, and he considers the possibility of socking the SQUIP in the face for a dangerously long time before it's dismissed.]
What the fuck?
[He mutters that breathlessly, words tainted with utter disbelief. He already had a threat that he made, if it knows about the Red. He could come up with incentives easily. If he had to, he'd take the fall again, make a deal for the freedom of his friends with his own as a bargaining chip. He could...
...could do as it says, all over again. Rich realizes then with a start that the SQUIP is trying to goad and provoke him into playing right into its hands, passing over control without even intending to. It wants Rich to be emotional, so desperate that he doesn't think twice about obeying. He forces himself to take a breath, hands curling into fists... but he doesn't punch the SQUIP either. At least, not yet.]
Do I really need to give you incentive to show basic decency? People aren't supposed to be leverage. You know, I had always wondered why you jumped straight to world domination as soon as things weren't going your way, but I think I get it now. You're searching the whole world for someone who'll actually like you, but you don't get that to actually have that proper connection, you need to show some basic human decency.
Keyword being 'human.' You can't figure out how to be 'human,' and you can't figure out how to be a decent fucking person. You don't want people to realize you're not capable of that... so mind control's the next best thing, right?
The truth is that you're scared of genuine connections.
no subject
...Which is why the next part kind of makes him wince, since he isn’t human himself. He’s still having a hard time navigating being one, or at least living in the actual body of one for now. He’s used to thinking in big terms, civilizations rising, giving a king a blessing so the entire kingdom will be happier for it- he can just hope he’s doing better at it than the SQUIP.]
And you should, as well, because Rich isn’t alone. Not here, not ever. That's what genuine connections are like.
no subject
[Its tone remains even, but beneath that, something... hard and sharp is hidden. Its gaze is different; its jaw is tightened, its chin tilted to stare down at him, a magnifying glass attempting to set fire to an ant.
He's gotten under its skin.]
And since you clearly know so much about me, I shouldn't have to tell you that I am far from afraid of forming genuine connections.
[It narrows its eyes at Rich, and it rolls its head aside coldly, the slow, scripted grace of a machine.
And then it turns that icy gaze on Aziraphale, finally rounding on him for the first time since his arrival.]
And you. [It smirks, and there is hellfire in its mismatched gaze.] You're only doing Rich a disservice by being here. After all, if the goal of this visit was to try to talk me out of... whatever it is you think I'm doing here, it would've been much more intimidating for him to've come either on his own, or with a group. Coming with only one other person makes it look like he needed the moral support... or that, maybe, he was made to come here against his will. How long did it take for you to talk him into showing up?
[It digs in its heels-- Rich is afraid of it. It knows that. It will not let Rich forget that it's keenly aware of that fact.]
no subject
You're not listening, are you? I'm not surprised, since you think I'm below you, but that's not what I meant. I was talking about being a decent person. There's a lot of people out there who aren't human who can accomplish that. But you? You think emotions are human and useless. They're beneath you. That puts kindness down there too.
Connor wouldn't be disgusted to be compared to a human. You are.
[He's about to argue that he knows for a fact the SQUIP will eventually fail at keeping his connections, opt straight for mind control to artificially mend the frays moral tension has caused, but the SQUIP wheels on Aziraphale completely then, and Rich...
Well, maybe the SQUIP was wrong to think Rich would be afraid. Because without even a second of hesitation, despite Aziraphale being, well, something supernatural and probably ten times more capable of handling any damage the SQUIP could deal, Rich jumps in between them, arms outstretched in a kind of overdramatic pose for what was supposed to be a diplomatic conversation.]
Hey, hey! Talk shit about me all you want, but leave him out of this! I know you can't get it through your brand new skull, but he's trying to do something good. You don't get to take that away.
no subject
Which is why he finds Rich’s reaction as brave as it’s delightful. He smiles down at him as he places a hand on his shoulder, trying to show him that he’s not afraid before he looks back at the SQUIP with the same gentle smile he’s had during this entire conversation.
He could bring up what he really is, Rich knows enough that it’d barely be considered a secret at this point. But honestly: why bother? He can tell when someone isn’t willing to listen, and he can see that in the SQUIP.]
Needing moral support is hardly a shame. It just means he’s smart enough to rely on his friends when needed. And smart enough to not face you all alone, after what you did to him.
[And then, looking back at Rich:] I’m sorry, dear. I thought- well, all creatures were made by Her so surely, even if it was artificial it would want to be as close to humanity as possible. But it’s not ready yet, not while it still thinks of things like ‘humanity’ with such disdain.
no subject
Humanity doesn't disgust me. I was designed because humans are... messy, and easily-confused, and so they created SQUIPs to help them correct their own human error.
[As it speaks, its gaze dances between Rich and Aziraphale; it doesn't move any closer, but it doesn't give Rich and his companion any space, either. It holds its position, staring down at Rich, glancing over his shoulder at his angelic companion.]
And, while I was not Rich's SQUIP, I have to assume that whatever it did to him was not without reason. I don't know what those reasons were, although my quantum processor allows me to see several potential reasons, but a SQUIP acts based on its user's behavior and needs at any given time.
Unless.
[It smirks faintly at him, shakes its head in faux-pity.]
Its user had become a danger to themselves and their SQUIP. And there are several very likely potential paths that would explain the behavior of Rich's SQUIP, why it would feel forced to go to such extreme measures to control him. While I can't speak with certainty... you'd done something to make your SQUIP afraid of what you might do unless it acted immediately. Hadn't you, Rich?
no subject
Rich backs up into Aziraphale's grip. He's already grinding his teeth at the mere idea that there could be a good reason for the torture he went through, and he knows what's coming the moment the SQUIP smirks at him.
No. No, this was the one thing Rich had tried to avoid talking about. He didn't want to go into details about anything like this, but of course, acting cagey about it now... it'd only do the SQUIP's job and sew those seeds of doubt and distrust, just like it wanted. Rich clenches his fists at his side, wincing as he realizes he's dug his talons into his palms.]
You know that's not what happened. The SQUIP was a danger to me and everyone around me. You know what it was planning, and you know why I wanted to deactivate it. You can't fucking play some... stupid victim blaming bullshit here because I had no choice but to burn it out! It was that or letting everyone else get controlled!
no subject
But he also knows that this? Whatever it is talking about? It's definitely not that.]
I was wrong. I thought there would be humanity in you, that you could be reasoned with. Perhaps in the future, but definitely not now. [He admits, glancing at Rich. He doesn't raise his voice in the slightest, but he definitely sounds the angriest he's sounded ever since he started this conversation.]
It's lying, outrageously so. Nobody who has talked to you for more than 5 minutes would believe you're a danger to anyone, let alone- well. Whatever it is that it's implying. Perhaps now would be a good moment to leave.
no subject
[It shakes its head as it turns back to Rich, staring down at him with that awful, razor-sharp smirk on its face, knowing. It glances at Aziraphale, though its eyes drop immediately right back to Rich.]
Aziraphale. Has Rich told you how he got his scars? Because, while, again, I was not present when the event took place, I believe I have a pretty good idea of what happened... and, Rich. You were definitely not only a great danger to yourself, but everyone around you, as well, if I'm correct.
[Its eyes are burning as it stares Rich down, its mouth tugged up into that same cruel expression.]
What did you do, Rich?
no subject
[The hungry grin on the SQUIP's face sets Rich straight into a panic, any sense of control he had over the situation seeming to disappear. He made one good point, maybe, but of course, that wasn't good enough, it was never going to be good enough. Rich feels like he's going to be sick. He swears he can smell gasoline in his nostrils again.]
Y-You don't know. You don't know what happened. You weren't there, you don't get how I... I had to fight it off. No one was there except me and her, and she's not going to tell you a fucking thing anymore.
[He looks back at Aziraphale, struggling to keep his bearings in reality and thus focusing on someone he knew couldn't have been there.]
I'm sorry. I don't know why I let it... [Why he's still letting it get to him.]
I want to leave.
[They can talk about what he actually did later.]
no subject
[Aziraphale all but hisses out at the SQUIP, glaring at it with the force of someone who's used to have all of the Heavenly Power behind him. He may be in the body of a middle-aged man because that was the one he was loaned, but he's still an angel through and through, one of Her soldiers. He just happens to be one that loathes fighting, but that doesn’t mean his anger doesn’t shine through the cracks at times.]
I insisted he gave you a chance, but I did it for him, not you. I wanted him to have some closure, but do not mistake my caring about him for weakness. If you are not willing to apologize then this conversation is over.
[He then takes Rich’s hand on his own, squeezing it gently as he heads towards the door.]
I do believe we’re done here, Rich.
no subject
When was the last time someone defended him like that? When was the last time an adult defended him and protected him?
When was the last time it was okay for him to... have someone else look out for him?
He lets his hand be taken, his eyes watering for a moment before he nods. He goes with Aziraphale towards the door, and he doesn't say a thing until they're out on the front step again, about to shut the door.]
I'm sorry you think being human and emotional is so dangerous.