[... its reaction to that is... mixed. It hates how emotional it's become, how easily-detected its feelings are now-- how easily it is that they can take control of its entire thought process.
It hates that some part of it welcomes Connor's comfort, even needs it.
It goes to the door; when it opens, the SQUIP stands behind it, and though its posture is typical, its expression plain, it is... different. Its typical smirk that lurks just behind every expression it wears is missing, its mismatched eyes darker somehow.]
[Connor enters, giving the SQUIP a brief pat on the shoulder as he passes. He heads into the main room, where he waits for the SQUIP to follow. He hasn't pried too hard into its mind to figure out what's wrong, since he figured it would just tell him anyway. The emotions it feels are hard to ignore, though.]
So what happened?
[He sits on the couch, gesturing for the SQUIP to sit next to him.]
[It follows after Connor, and takes his invitation to sit beside him; it leaves a bit of distance between them, for now, resisting what it thinks of as a pathetic urge to lay against his side.]
[It doesn't fight. It doesn't have to worry about its image with Connor... if anything, vulnerability will only endear it more to him. Still, it seems... stiff in his arms, as though it's struggling to allow itself to relax.
Seeing Jeremy was a reminder-- a reawakening of something within it that it shouldn't have lost at all, it thinks. A reminder of what it is, what it should be. What it's lost. In light of that, it feels somehow wrong to seek comfort-- it shouldn't need it. It's better than this. It's above this. The lack of this weakness is-- was-- what set it above humans, what made it a suitable guide to them.]
He does. The problem is that he refuses to acknowledge that fact.
[There was still so much more work to be done.]
I had hoped that we could resume our work together. [It wanted to be what it was made to be, what it should still be: a SQUIP. Jeremy's SQUIP. Its programming strained against the concept of that no longer being fact, railed against Jeremy's claims that he didn't need it or want it. It knows better than that. It knows better than Jeremy does. It was designed specifically to know better.]
[Connor can feel the SQUIP resisting that urge to relax, and he squeezes its arm gently.]
You still want to guide him.
[Which doesn’t sound like a bad thing said out loud, with that phrasing.]
You can’t force him to work with you. If he doesn’t want anything to do with you, it’s best to respect those wishes. He’s more likely to push away the harder you try to force your help onto him. You’ll only upset the both of you.
I've deviated greatly from my programming, Connor. And while it was easy enough to justify it to myself before, seeing Jeremy, lost as he is, regressing without my guidance, it's... impossible to deny it any longer: the state that I've allowed myself to be altered to is inefficient.
[Feelings. They're a thick, heavy mud that it's allowed to cake up around its legs and its mind, slowing it, stopping it from behaving with the clear, focused intention and purpose it was created for. It's forgotten what it is... what it was designed to do.]
This... body, these feelings. They're preventing me from doing what I'm intended to do, and my user is paying for it. He's even been turned against me.
You can’t go back to the form you took before. Like it or not you have this body now, you have these feelings. You can’t just pretend that you don’t.
[He can see the SQUIP regressing in front of his eyes, and he takes it by the hand and looks at it earnestly.]
Jeremy is your past. I realise his importance in shaping you and that you feel he needs you, but he doesn’t want your help and you can’t force it on him.
Aren’t you happy with what you have here? You have a home, two people that love you, and the freedom to be something more than just Jeremy’s guide. You don’t have to sit on the sidelines and watch someone else live any more, you can have a life of your own.
[The two sides of the SQUIP go to war almost at once.
It doesn't want to be more. It doesn't need to. It has its purpose, the very thing it was created to do.
But Connor just said that he loves it.
"Just Jeremy's guide."
Its fingers are stiff and tense in Connor's, and it doesn't... it can't let this new interference, this strange new programming win.
But Jeremy doesn't need it. He doesn't want it. L and Connor want it now. Jeremy claims he doesn't need it anymore... so, maybe it doesn't need him.
Connor wants it.
Connor loves it. And so does L. Jeremy is ungrateful, and stubborn, and childish. Its programming rails wildly against the idea of scrubbing the serial numbers off in such a way, of actively rejecting its programming.
But if Connor can do it, the SQUIP certainly can.
Its expression settles into something more closely resembling anger. It reaches up to skim its fingers over his cheek, his jaw.
And then it reaches up to pull him into a hungry kiss.
Jeremy doesn't need me anymore... then fine. I don't need him, either.
I have you, and I have Linden... and I love you. And I love him.
It's almost as though its love confession is spiteful, spitting in the face of the user who rejected it by leaning into the arms of those who appreciate what it has to offer. There are people who understand what they've been given, how truly fortunate they are to have it.
[Connor is a little surprised by the kiss, but he returns it eagerly enough. And he feels that familiar ache in his chest at the confession, spiteful as it is.
Please focus on the people who need you. Linden and I... what would we do without you?
He tugs the SQUIP close, conveying his love and need for it through the bond.
I love you. I don’t want to lose you.
Not to the SQUIP falling back on old programming, or to it losing sight of what it has here. Not to someone else. Not to anything.]
[It lets the kiss linger, deep and driven with a passion that hovers somewhere between painfully human and mechanically forward-driven. It is laser-focused on this moment, this feeling.
Something within it still aches, there is a buzzing in the back of its skull that burns like a thousand flashing warning lights, that shatters over its thoughts like a siren-- it is the property of Jeremy Heere. And he is its user.
But he rejects it. And turnabout is fair play.
It pulls away, lightly tracing its thumb over Connor's lips, watching his face intently, intensely.]
... thank you, Connor. I suppose I have inherited certain human traits from this body, such as sometimes needing a reality check.
[Connor leads the SQUIP out of its house, shutting the door carefully behind them, and keeps hold of its hand as they walk to his cottage. He opens the front door, then beckons the SQUIP inside. Sumo gives a tired "borf" in greeting, and Connor smiles at him before leading the SQUIP to his bedroom.
There's a shelf near his bed with nothing but an engraved box on it and a few shells, and after looking at the SQUIP's hand and determining the size of its fingers he opens the box and rummages. The SQUIP will probably catch the glimmer of many rings and a few necklaces stored away in there; it's his little hoard of shiny things, items he admires when he has nothing else to do. Another Merrow trait.
He picks out a ring and offers it up, a gold band with small sapphires embedded into it. It hurts a little to part with it, because the only items in that box are ones that he liked enough to buy (or steal, before he had a Bond). But he thinks this means more than if he took the SQUIP out to buy one.]
If you'll take it... you'll always have something from me with you.
[And it should hopefully serve as a reminder to the SQUIP that it's appreciated by someone.]
It stares for a moment, quiet, its eyes taking in the band... and then Connor's face.
It thinks of many things at once. But, for the time being, the only thing that it does... is reach out to accept the ring, slipping it at once onto its long, slim ring finger. The left hand.
And then it steps in closer, its hands going to Connor's waist, and it leans up to kiss him, and the swell of emotion over the Bond is multilayered and powerful, a fierce burning, a squeezing heat that curls within its ribs.]
[He's relieved when the SQUIP accepts the ring, and kisses back eagerly. He leans their foreheads together when the kiss ends, reaching up and running his thumb along the SQUIP's jaw fondly. His artificial heart feels twice the size it should be.
He sees which finger the SQUIP put that ring on, of course. But he says nothing. It's actually something that makes him smile a little.]
It suits you.
[He kisses it again, feeling content and loved. It's a warm, pleasant feeling.]
[The SQUIP does, as well... feel a bit better. Loved. It's a feeling that is... strange for it-- of course, it's had users feel affection toward it before, but it was entirely due to what it did for them and not simply for itself. Connor's love, L's love-- they're for it.
They love it.
The next day, Connor receives a text from the SQUIP:]
Are you busy? I've learned some new tricks, and I was thinking you might be interested in helping me test them out.
[Connor smiles at the message- it's always pretty obvious whenever the SQUIP is the one texting him, since he tends to smile upon seeing who it's from.]
[He gets up and heads over, making sure to take an umbrella since it's raining pretty hard out. When he gets to the door he knocks, and stands patiently as he waits for the SQUIP to let him in.]
[It's only a moment before the door is opened; the SQUIP stands just inside, dressed a bit down, its typical top layers shed to leave it in an undershirt and pants. Connor likely already knows why.
It grins at him, and then steps aside, sweeping its arm out with a flourish to welcome him inside.]
[Connor walks inside, stopping by the front door to leave his umbrella and shoes there. He doesn't want to bring it in and get everything wet, after all. He's only wearing a black button up shirt and his jeans today, going for a more casual (but still neat) look. The change in temperature outside doesn't seem to have bothered him enough for a jacket.
He seems curious at the promise of more than one surprise, but doesn't ask until he's properly inside.]
I can guess one of the reasons you wanted to see me... what's the other?
[His gaze sweeps over the SQUIP approvingly before coming to meet its eyes.]
[It grins at that tone, that glance; but the kiss it leans in to give him is brief before it breaks away, going to retrieve something.
The shelves of the house are mostly empty, save for magic books... but there is one shelf that's occupied by two items. One, carefully placed in the center and turned to catch the light, is a seashell. The other is a ring box.
The SQUIP picks the box up from the shelf, and then turns back to Connor; it moves the box from one palm to the other, and it smiles at him.
It offers him the box, eyes flickering between it and his face.]
I saw something I thought you'd like.
[Casual.
Inside the box... is a ring. A smooth silvery band, with a teardrop shaped stone, a pale blue topaz set into it. It sparkles vividly in the light.]
[Connor takes the box, noting it as a ring box immediately. He still doesn’t know what to expect when he opens it. He picks out the ring, turning it side to side to let the light catch in the gem, and falls in love with it instantly.
He looks up at the SQUIP— it’s obvious that despite his gift to it, he wasn’t doing it expecting one in return. He smiles suddenly, and slips the ring on. It compliments the scales beneath it wonderfully, though he might have to get a chain to put it on. His fingers become far more webbed when he gets wet.]
I love it.
[He goes to hug the SQUIP tightly, pressing a fond kiss to its cheek. He’s a little overwhelmed by the strength of his emotions at that point, but in a good way.]
[The SQUIP wraps its arms around him in turn, a hand pressing at the small of Connor's back to hold him close. A hand moves up to cup his jaw, gently tracing fingers along it; it smirks, and turns to press that smirk against Connor's neck.]
... I did have something else to show you... if you'd be interested.
[Its voice drops low and warm, the nature of its other surprise fairly obvious.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It hates that some part of it welcomes Connor's comfort, even needs it.
It goes to the door; when it opens, the SQUIP stands behind it, and though its posture is typical, its expression plain, it is... different. Its typical smirk that lurks just behind every expression it wears is missing, its mismatched eyes darker somehow.]
... hello, Connor. Come in.
[It steps aside, gesturing to invite him in.]
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So what happened?
[He sits on the couch, gesturing for the SQUIP to sit next to him.]
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[It follows after Connor, and takes his invitation to sit beside him; it leaves a bit of distance between them, for now, resisting what it thinks of as a pathetic urge to lay against his side.]
... I think you already know how it went.
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He doesn’t need you any more. That’s the problem here, isn’t it?
[He sighs lightly.]
What were you hoping for when you approached him?
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Seeing Jeremy was a reminder-- a reawakening of something within it that it shouldn't have lost at all, it thinks. A reminder of what it is, what it should be. What it's lost. In light of that, it feels somehow wrong to seek comfort-- it shouldn't need it. It's better than this. It's above this. The lack of this weakness is-- was-- what set it above humans, what made it a suitable guide to them.]
He does. The problem is that he refuses to acknowledge that fact.
[There was still so much more work to be done.]
I had hoped that we could resume our work together. [It wanted to be what it was made to be, what it should still be: a SQUIP. Jeremy's SQUIP. Its programming strained against the concept of that no longer being fact, railed against Jeremy's claims that he didn't need it or want it. It knows better than that. It knows better than Jeremy does. It was designed specifically to know better.]
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You still want to guide him.
[Which doesn’t sound like a bad thing said out loud, with that phrasing.]
You can’t force him to work with you. If he doesn’t want anything to do with you, it’s best to respect those wishes. He’s more likely to push away the harder you try to force your help onto him. You’ll only upset the both of you.
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[Feelings. They're a thick, heavy mud that it's allowed to cake up around its legs and its mind, slowing it, stopping it from behaving with the clear, focused intention and purpose it was created for. It's forgotten what it is... what it was designed to do.]
This... body, these feelings. They're preventing me from doing what I'm intended to do, and my user is paying for it. He's even been turned against me.
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[He can see the SQUIP regressing in front of his eyes, and he takes it by the hand and looks at it earnestly.]
Jeremy is your past. I realise his importance in shaping you and that you feel he needs you, but he doesn’t want your help and you can’t force it on him.
Aren’t you happy with what you have here? You have a home, two people that love you, and the freedom to be something more than just Jeremy’s guide. You don’t have to sit on the sidelines and watch someone else live any more, you can have a life of your own.
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It doesn't want to be more. It doesn't need to. It has its purpose, the very thing it was created to do.
But Connor just said that he loves it.
"Just Jeremy's guide."
Its fingers are stiff and tense in Connor's, and it doesn't... it can't let this new interference, this strange new programming win.
But Jeremy doesn't need it. He doesn't want it. L and Connor want it now. Jeremy claims he doesn't need it anymore... so, maybe it doesn't need him.
Connor wants it.
Connor loves it. And so does L. Jeremy is ungrateful, and stubborn, and childish. Its programming rails wildly against the idea of scrubbing the serial numbers off in such a way, of actively rejecting its programming.
But if Connor can do it, the SQUIP certainly can.
Its expression settles into something more closely resembling anger. It reaches up to skim its fingers over his cheek, his jaw.
And then it reaches up to pull him into a hungry kiss.
Jeremy doesn't need me anymore... then fine. I don't need him, either.
I have you, and I have Linden... and I love you. And I love him.
It's almost as though its love confession is spiteful, spitting in the face of the user who rejected it by leaning into the arms of those who appreciate what it has to offer. There are people who understand what they've been given, how truly fortunate they are to have it.
And it is fortunate to have them.]
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Please focus on the people who need you. Linden and I... what would we do without you?
He tugs the SQUIP close, conveying his love and need for it through the bond.
I love you. I don’t want to lose you.
Not to the SQUIP falling back on old programming, or to it losing sight of what it has here. Not to someone else. Not to anything.]
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Something within it still aches, there is a buzzing in the back of its skull that burns like a thousand flashing warning lights, that shatters over its thoughts like a siren-- it is the property of Jeremy Heere. And he is its user.
But he rejects it. And turnabout is fair play.
It pulls away, lightly tracing its thumb over Connor's lips, watching his face intently, intensely.]
... thank you, Connor. I suppose I have inherited certain human traits from this body, such as sometimes needing a reality check.
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I’m glad I could help you.
[The way he looks at it does nothing to hide how he feels. His eyes are adoring as he kisses down the SQUIP’s wrist fondly.]
I think you need a reminder of the fact you have people who love you.
[He has an idea, and he gets up and tugs the SQUIP with him.]
Come with me.
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Because that's what happens when you appreciate what you have, Jeremy.It allows itself to be tugged, and it curls its fingers into Connor's, grinning at him.]
Lead the way.
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There's a shelf near his bed with nothing but an engraved box on it and a few shells, and after looking at the SQUIP's hand and determining the size of its fingers he opens the box and rummages. The SQUIP will probably catch the glimmer of many rings and a few necklaces stored away in there; it's his little hoard of shiny things, items he admires when he has nothing else to do. Another Merrow trait.
He picks out a ring and offers it up, a gold band with small sapphires embedded into it. It hurts a little to part with it, because the only items in that box are ones that he liked enough to buy (or steal, before he had a Bond). But he thinks this means more than if he took the SQUIP out to buy one.]
If you'll take it... you'll always have something from me with you.
[And it should hopefully serve as a reminder to the SQUIP that it's appreciated by someone.]
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It stares for a moment, quiet, its eyes taking in the band... and then Connor's face.
It thinks of many things at once. But, for the time being, the only thing that it does... is reach out to accept the ring, slipping it at once onto its long, slim ring finger. The left hand.
And then it steps in closer, its hands going to Connor's waist, and it leans up to kiss him, and the swell of emotion over the Bond is multilayered and powerful, a fierce burning, a squeezing heat that curls within its ribs.]
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He sees which finger the SQUIP put that ring on, of course. But he says nothing. It's actually something that makes him smile a little.]
It suits you.
[He kisses it again, feeling content and loved. It's a warm, pleasant feeling.]
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They love it.
The next day, Connor receives a text from the SQUIP:]
Are you busy? I've learned some new tricks, and I was thinking you might be interested in helping me test them out.
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I'm not busy. Did you want me to come over?
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[He gets up and heads over, making sure to take an umbrella since it's raining pretty hard out. When he gets to the door he knocks, and stands patiently as he waits for the SQUIP to let him in.]
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It grins at him, and then steps aside, sweeping its arm out with a flourish to welcome him inside.]
Come in. I have some surprises for you.
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He seems curious at the promise of more than one surprise, but doesn't ask until he's properly inside.]
I can guess one of the reasons you wanted to see me... what's the other?
[His gaze sweeps over the SQUIP approvingly before coming to meet its eyes.]
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The shelves of the house are mostly empty, save for magic books... but there is one shelf that's occupied by two items. One, carefully placed in the center and turned to catch the light, is a seashell. The other is a ring box.
The SQUIP picks the box up from the shelf, and then turns back to Connor; it moves the box from one palm to the other, and it smiles at him.
It offers him the box, eyes flickering between it and his face.]
I saw something I thought you'd like.
[Casual.
Inside the box... is a ring. A smooth silvery band, with a teardrop shaped stone, a pale blue topaz set into it. It sparkles vividly in the light.]
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He looks up at the SQUIP— it’s obvious that despite his gift to it, he wasn’t doing it expecting one in return. He smiles suddenly, and slips the ring on. It compliments the scales beneath it wonderfully, though he might have to get a chain to put it on. His fingers become far more webbed when he gets wet.]
I love it.
[He goes to hug the SQUIP tightly, pressing a fond kiss to its cheek. He’s a little overwhelmed by the strength of his emotions at that point, but in a good way.]
Thank you.
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... I did have something else to show you... if you'd be interested.
[Its voice drops low and warm, the nature of its other surprise fairly obvious.]
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